Confessions…

One month and two days ago, I started the "Faith Dare"... I felt lead to go a step further, and blog my experience, so in obedience, I began. And then, "LIFE" happened! April 20^th, I fell and broke my hip. The healing process has been long and painful. Doing the Faith Dare has been difficult, I'm either in too much pain for my brain to function properly, or I'm too gorked-out from the medication... I'm so far behind (in the study that I'm leading), that I decided to "jump ahead" to where we "should be" for the date. My thought process went as follows: To be caught-up, I would follow the calendar that we made up and do the dare assigned to that date. On days that are not on the calendar, I will go back and complete Dares that I haven't done yet. That way, I will be able to talk about the current Dares when we have small group, while doing the back ones that I've missed.

So... this morning I did Dare#11* While doing the study for Dare #11 (blog for Dare #11 to follow), I came to the realization that I Have NOT been "graciously resting". I have continued to try to spin plates and control everything around me from my recliner. L I am seeing that my control issues are bigger than I originally thought... Deep down, it's a "faith" issue! Today, I choose to live in surrender to self!

Faith Dare - Day #3

Today's dare... Live like you are loved.
Well, that's easy! Of course I am loved. Why wouldn't I live like I am?
But do I? Do I really live like God loves me?
Unfortunately, the answer is "no, not so much"    
If I TRULY believe with all my being that God love ME, I would be more trusting and more dependent upon Him, rather than on my own understanding.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on ME that I should be called a child of God! And that is what I am!" I John 3:1

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the love you want to lavish upon me.

Help me to live boldly as a child loved by you.

I want to live my life fully trusting

 

 

I went on in the reading... she says; "Think about what it means to be a child - dependent, trusting, longing for acceptance. Remember that without faith it is impossible to please your Heavenly Father. Ask God to help you in any area of unbelief regarding your true identify as his.

Resting in the Journey

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls

Matthew 11:28-29

 

Rest... rest is supposed to be, well... restful, peaceful... But when "rest" is forced upon you, like when you break your femur and are forced to rest, it can be really frustrating and unrestful. I've been feeling sorry for myself the past few weeks. I'm in major pain, the pain medicine makes me loopy, and I'm bored & lonely. It's been difficult for me to concentrate enough to do the Faith Dare or blog.

I began wallowing in my very own pity party. I started to question... why me? why now? I had things that needed to be done. But I am learning to rest... I am learning to let others help me.

I saw the Doctor yesterday, and got the good news that my leg is healing. I was given 2 more weeks of "limited activity", 2 more weeks of rest. My goal for these next 2 weeks is to graciously rest.

 

Epic Fail or “E”

This past week has been so difficult... Last Monday, while at Good News club, I fell and broke my femur. I broke the "greater trochanter of the right femur, commonly referred to as "the hip". I like to tell people I broke my femur or my leg, because that doesn't make me sound as old as saying that I broke my hip.

Anyway, because of the massive pain and all the pain medication, I haven't been progressing in the Faith Dare. I have been concentrating on days 1 & 2. (I will blog day 2, soon). I have been trying to REST in the arms of God the Father... I have been trying to stop spinning plates! I know that at least part of the reason God allowed me to break my hip, was to teach me to let go of control. God is in control, I know that! But sometimes, I just have this need to "help out" and make sure that everything is going according to plan. And usually when I do that, I end up totally messing everything up.

Yesterday, I went beyond "plate spinner" to "puppet master". I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I took information, which was only partial and not 100% correct and acted upon it. I shouldn't have... God had this under control. I've been asking many people for forgiveness for opening my big fat mouth.

I am so thankful that God is a God of second (and third and fourth and...) chances. Although I did FAIL at this one "test", God has not written me off as worthless or unable to learn. I know that there will be more opportunities for me to stay out of God' way.

This reminded me of when we were living in Seattle. Our son, "B" was still in high school. He is unpleased we moved from Yakima to Seattle, leaving all of his friends, he was unpleased with the new school he was going to, he was unpleased with just about everything. He came home one day with his report card. It was a card of mostly "C's" and "D's". And then I saw something that I had never seen before. He had gotten an "E" in one of his classes. I knew that the "E" did not stand for "Excellent", so I asked him about it. He said that the "E" meant that he didn't pass the class. To which I replied, "So you failed?" He went on to explain that the school didn't like to use the term "fail" because that made the students feel bad. I thought that was stupid. But then I think of how God deals with us... He doesn't just write us off as a "FAIL". I think that he gives us an "E" and gives us ample opportunity to learn from our mistakes.

My hope for this week is to be able to progress through the Faith Dare book, hopefully to catch up to where the group is. But more importantly than that, my prayer is that I will be able to yield control over EVERYTHING to God

 

Faith Dare - Day 1

This is day #1* of The Faith Dare book by Debbie Alsdore. And oh my goodness… This is NOT easy-peasy stuff here! As I was reading this first dare, I was thinking to myself "maybe I should have read through some of the dares before actually committing to blog this journey" J I could actually feel walls going up around my heart. It's a bit scary to invite God to open my heart and change me from within... And to do that openly in this blog is terrifying!
Although I grew up in a Christian home, deep spiritual things were never really talked about, so talking about such things in a personal
manner isn't really second nature to me.  Being a Pastor's wife and being in full-time ministry, I have learned to guard my heart, not letting people see the "real me", in fear that I will be rejected and unloved. But God does not want His children to live in fear.
As I sit here, praying and reading God's word, the one thing that I really sense God telling me is to "let go" (cue music… "Let it go…" from the movie "Frozen) I'm kind-of a passive-aggressive control freak. J I'm the plate spinner, you know, the person at the circus who keeps all the plates moving and spinning so that they don't fall to the ground and crash into a million-gazillion pieces. I need to keep moving and doing… I am afraid that if I stop, the world (or at least my world), will come crashing down. What I lack is FAITH. True faith that God loves me enough to care about EVERYTHING in my life, from the tiny stuff to the big stuff.
What is God asking me to do? STOP! And BE STILL! It's NOT my job to spin all the plates! God has it under control! He will not let the plates crash into a million-bazillion pieces! It's not my responsibility to figure out what comes next… it's my job to have FAITH that God knows what He is doing.
My challenge for today is to put my TOTAL faith in God. Yes, I have faith in God… but sometimes I become afraid that "this part" or "that part" of my life God is forgetting, so I feel that I need to step forward and spin the plates.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for loving ME*! Open my heart and cut out the stone of worry and fear. Teach me to fully rely on you and surrender my whole life to you. And even when I feel you aren't in control help me to know down deep in my soul that you love me and will never let me fall

Back to Blogging

It's been a few years since my last blog post… So much has happened in the past few years…

• Our family has gotten smaller
  • We went from a family of 8 down to 3 of us living at home.
  • The last of the "big kids" moved out last month
  • We have just one child left, Alex, who has Down syndrome and an array of other special needs.
  • My Dad passed away December 2014
• Our family has gotten larger
  • We added a daughter-in-law June 2014, when our oldest son, J got married
  • We will be adding another daughter-in-law May 2015, when our son, JP gets married
  • We will be adding a grand-daughter June 2015 *
• We are living in rural southwest Washington
  • Approximately 2 hours from Seattle (going north), and 2 hours from Portland (going south)
  • Close enough to "visit" the big city, without having to live there
• Bi-vocational
  • Being placed at a small rural church, caused us to make some pretty tough decisions… We LOVE our church family, and are seeing growth (both spiritually and numerically), so after much prayer, Pastor-Hubby felt lead to take a full-time job outside the church and go "part-time" at the church. We are still in the process of figuring out how to juggle family, church, and job responsibilities.
  
  Well… that's basically my life in a nutshell… And now, the purpose for me to start blogging again:
  
  I lead a small group/Bible study at our church. It is a fabulous group of women. We are starting a new study… We are going to go through "The Faith Dare" by Debbie Alsdore. It's written as a 30 day "study", but we are going to take 10 weeks to go through it. We will spend more than 1 day on each of the "days" listed in the book. My hope, is that we can go a bit deeper if we spend a more time. Throughout the next 10 weeks (or so…), I plan to blog my journey as I dare to live my life to its fullest, putting my faith in God in all aspects of my life. This is a big step for me… I'm not one who usually puts my life "out there" for the whole world to see. When I go through difficult and challenging times, I usually hide within myself. But… after thumbing through the "Faith Dare" book, I really felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to be transparent and share my journey. So, here goes…
  
  
   
  
   

Certificate of Birth

 Ben's birth certificate finally came by UPS today.  His adoption was almost 11 years ago. Normally, you are supposed to get a new birth certificate right after the adoption is finalized, but our attorney messed up royally.  He didn't file some of the necessary paperwork.  It took a bit of doing...  we had to go to the courthouse where he was adopted (a 5 hour drive...  over a pass) and have them unseal the sealed documents.  I'm glad all of that is over.  I now I have birth certificates for everyone!